one regret

I don’t regret too much and at first I had titled this post ‘missed opportunity’ and that’s probably better than the current one, but ‘one regret’ makes that missed opportunity seemed that much more important to me. Which it was. Is.

My personal mantra has always been ‘no regrets’ and I’ve tried to live a life where I don’t regret much and it has served me well. I have done a lot, seen a lot, and met a lot of great people along the way. I have lived my life on my terms and for my own happiness.

But the one thing I absolutely do regret, and it continues to haunt me to this day, is that I didn’t invite my two girl cousins to come to the city with me when I was in the village. Blame it on the nights of drinking prior to my departure or even my inability to even think properly when I’m in my village. Seriously, I am so completely in love with my village and family that I don’t think when I am there. I just am. It’s a beautiful thing but one that leads to regrets it seems.

I asked mom on several occassions if she had ever been to VTE prior to being there in 2007 and she said she’d never went anywhere as a young girl besides the surrounding villages. And even then, I am sure it was only a handful of times. I think I went to more surrounding villages in the month we were there in 2007 then she did in her young life. She mostly didn’t have time because she was always tending to the cattle, but also because she hadn’t been much of a traveler.

Don’t ask me where I got my passion of traveling from.

But yes, regret. Had I done it, I could have had company on that crazy ride back up north. Not that I was scared, because I have a good command of the language and dressed to fit in, but mostly because I could have spent more precious time with them. I’m also positive that they haven’t been in VTE before. (My green sihn is amazing for long bus rides. Good for when I have to squat on the side of the roads and even more excellent for sitting for hours and hours squished in a bus.)

But in the end, had they come along, I would not have been able to go to Vang Vieng. An exceptional first trip. Then again, I would have been able to go to Buddha Park, which is actually on my list to do next trip. Mostly I regret it because seeing one of the cry the night before my departure and the day of my departure killed me in a way that nothing has ever killed me before.

For a family that doesn’t show emotions, those were tough moments.


2 Responses to “one regret”

  1. 1 Nye February 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    I seldom live my life on my terms, I often think of the people around me first, even where I’m living now, it’s not by choice but to stay close to my dad. Sometimes I have the regret that I don’t do it more for myself but seeing their happiness makes it all worth while.

    As for you it’s more of a missed opportunity and I’m sure that you’ll have that chance again. 🙂

    • 2 Sao Joy February 6, 2011 at 11:34 pm

      I try to live on my own terms as much as a nice obedient Lao girl can. I understand about putting people around me first though. It’s definitely a tough balance. Sometimes I really really struggle with it.

      I’m sure I’ll get the chance again and I can’t wait.

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