Livin’ Lao

I have been so homesick.

This time last year, I was in Laos enjoying my family and the festivities that came with our visit and Lao New Year. On Tuesday night, I flipped through my photos. On Wednesday night, I called my cousin to talk to her. That elevated my homesickness, because I got to talk to our next door neighbor girl and a teacher friend. It was so nice to talk to the teacher because I haven’t spoken to her since the day I left last year. I call my cousin every weekend and I have spoken to the neighbor girl on a few occasions. We all laughed on conference call remembering the time we had when I was there.

I never want to forget the wonderful time I had when I was there.

This weekend was our village boun.

Sadly, last year my cousin and I ended up going home to take a nap prior to festivities and ended up not waking up until the next morning. She had just made it home that afternoon from Bangkok, and I had spent the whole morning greeting visitors. I would pin a small flower on their lapel and in turn they would offer a small donation for merit making. Both entrances of the village were lined with students doing as I was doing. I was volunteered by my uncle because my cousin was doing it for school. I didn’t mind it at all. The heat was a bit much, but we didn’t spend that many hours in the sun. Once the festivities started, the only people we really needed were the ones at the entrance of the wat.

Needless to say, I was tired. A luncheon was held as a thanks for our services and after consuming a little of it, we headed home. After a morning of standing in the hot Lao sun, all I wanted to do was lay down. I went upstairs to lay down and write in my journal for a minute before I was to head to the wat for the thuk baht. I had strict orders from mom that I was to attend.

Not long after laying down, my cousin came walking up the middle stairs.

When we left Laos twenty years ago, the only person I knew about beside my aunts and uncles was my boy cousin. Close in age, we did everything together. Beyond him, I knew of nobody. I’ve been told stories of me swinging his baby sister to sleep, but she got muddied up throughout the years.

Only recently that year had we talked and even then I was pretty embarrassed to talk to her. At 23, she sounded so grownup compared to myself who was 26 at the time.

So when she came upstairs to introduced herself, I honestly don’t remember how I felt. It was like meeting your long lost sister after 20 years of separation. I know that I told her I was going to the wat if she wanted to go with me. She agreed and ran home to get into her sihn as I quickly did the same before heading to her house to get her.

We listened to the chants and then walked around the wat 3 times before going back in. My cousin volunteered to carry the scented water and I followed along with my offerings that my other aunt had made me.

We spend the afternoon walking about the temple grounds and taking in the scene.

Doesn’t livin’ life on my terms sound so pretentious? I don’t know if being the youngest Lao child has played any role in having lived my life on other people’s terms. Actually, I know it has. It comes with my gender also. I think in Laos, it’s the oldest girl child that has to do everything but here in the states, now that my older sister is married and has kids, I am what that oldest child was. Everything I did was in hopes of making my parents happy. Every thought came with a thought about them.

Obviously I didn’t subtitle my blog because I wanted to sound pretentious. For me, livin’ life on my terms reflects the carpe diem of life. Seizing it. Taking that leap of faith. That declaration is me finally being accountable for myself. Finally finding a voice that is purely mine with virtually no undertones of my parents.

The events at NIU, put into light that life is precious and beautiful and can ultimately be taken away at a moment. Here we are not wanting to send our brothers to war, yet there is a war brewing here. Foolishly, I couldn’t put two and two together about the events of NIU. A friend had blogged that she was okay and it didn’t register until Friday morning when I was reading the news. It still didn’t register that it was the NIU until I read the named spelled out in the article. Tragedy couldn’t hit closer to home. This is the NIU where I did my research in their wonderful library, where I became friends with a professor, and where I seriously thought about going to graduate school. This was the school that connected me with culture. And there I was trying not to cry with each line read.

Of course, we know those parental undertones are always there even if we choose not to hear them. I will always love my parents for the sacrifices that they made. For taking that risk to better our lives. For finding it in themselves to separate from the toxic. You would think separating from the toxic is easy, and it is, but what if it’s your own flesh and blood that’s toxic? The decision becomes much harder. And I will say that I am so proud of my mom for going home this summer. For being the bigger person. For playing deaf to the evil words of others. No matter how upset I get at her, I love her more than I’ve ever loved another soul and I am so proud of her. I hope I am half the mom she has been to her children, her grandchildren, her nieces and nephews and the children of others.

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.

I’ve always been a huge fan of George Bernard Shaw and the last few weeks have encompassed this very quote by him.

After the last entry, I was trying to get a friend in my village. Let me tell you guys, it was quite a feat when you’re on one side of the country and your family is on the other! Phone and email tagged was played. I finally did get my friend to my village and my family loved him. I had doubts, not that they wouldn’t love him, but I felt like they weren’t prepared to host him. I didn’t think they know what they were getting themselves into when they accepted my offer, but I was determined and evidently so was my family. I know they wanted it all to work out as much as I did and it ended up being much more than I could have ever hoped for. Thankfully, they are still talking about him to this day and I’m still waiting on his photos.

After that I took a trip to California to see my friend before she took off for Laos for the next 10 months. California was beautiful and I had a blast. Na was a wonderful hostess and a wonderful friend. Of course, I left the snow here in the Midwest for even more snow in Tahoe, where we went snowboarding. It was my first time snowboarding so I came home pretty beat up. If you would have seen any of my bruises, you would know that that declaration was the understatement of the year. I was determined though. I had a blast and would do it again in a heartbeat even though I know that I’d be spending a majority of my time rolling down the hills than snowboarding them.

The Bay Area was beautiful. The atmosphere is amazing. The food made me giddy and the friends I made were great.

…

Laos has been on my mind a lot lately. Once a month, I get so home sick. I have dreams of being that carefree girl in my village and I can’t believe how long it will be until my next trip. Of course, with Na there now, I have made plans to go see her this year but I don’t know if it will happen or not. Tentatively, I had hoped to go again for New Years but I think I’m going to push it until Boun That Luang/Boun Sung Heur.

I called to talk to my boy cousin last night. He still makes me crazy in the best possible way. We have this sarcastic humor which plays off each other so well. He kept asking when I was going to visit again and I told him whenever he started missing me. I had sent some stuff home a few months back and he’s been keeping the letter I sent in his pocket. I felt this pang of something when he was reading it to us (my girl cousin was on conference with us but she was eating with my other boy cousin). I knew right away he wasn’t lying about having the letter with him. I just couldn’t believe that he was tending to the cows at the farm and had this letter in his pocket, but if I had any doubt that he loved and missed me, I didn’t then.

I don’t believe in circumstances; I believe in love.

I was suppose to start my workout routine today (part of my New Year’s Resolution that keeps getting pushed back day by day) but I happily decided that Monday would be the day since all day I was craving tum green mango after I decided this morning that I would make some. I looked at photos of it all morning and salivated. I thought it would go excellent with the Mexican rotisserie chicken that I had gotten yesterday.

I haven’t had tum green mango since I had it in Laos back in April. My boy cousin had picked some green papayas when he tended the cows one afternoon and since I was always hungry for som, he made it for me. It was awesome! However, I had forgotten if tomatoes were a part of the dish or not. I decided to leave it out, which I believe was the right choice. I wanted so bad to call my cousin and ask because I wanted to be sure.

It was so delicious and I will never hesitate to make it ever again.

I am trying to perfect my Lao cooking skills so when we return in a few years, I’ll be able to cook for my friends. I was scared to this year, even to make papaya salad, since I didn’t want them to make fun of me if it tasted terrible.

That is one thing I am envious about when it comes to the girls in Laos - most know how to cook and all my friends were amazing cooks. (With the exception of one of my girl cousins, who couldn’t cook to save her life!) Even my little cousin would make the rice before she left the house for school each morning. I’m happy to say that I can and do make my own sticky rice. However, it’s still hit-or-miss with my jasmine rice. I’m still nervous about the amount of water I should be adding to it to make the perfect consistency. I get so mad when it comes out watery and mushy.

One day, I’ll even perfect that.

They say that the secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings. I like to say that the secret to a rich life is to be surrounded by family eating a ton of great Lao food. I’m sure nobody can argue either, but of course my saying comes from the love of my family and food - an unbeatable combination.

I’ve had a a lot of ends and beginnings this year and both have been fulfilling. Laos in April with my parents, my cousin and her family, and my aunt and uncle was amazing. That trip changed me in so many ways. I began a summer session and it ended. Out of it came some amazingly beautiful friends. Saying that it was hard to leave them would have been an understatement. I spent so much time with some of those people that they became an extension of myself. If I was alone, I wanted them to be there. No, I don’t have issues with being alone, but I wanted them to share in what I was doing being it studying or shopping or enjoying a walk. That’s my definition of love and I really did love those people. Present terms, I do, and when I think about them I miss them. A lot.

I moved to a brand new city seven months ago and then decided to do it again five months later. It has been a meaningful experience and from it I have learned many things. I loved Madison. I loved the lakes. I loved being close to the heart of it all even though that came with a thirty minute walk either way. I loved the people. I loved the atmosphere. I loved that I was learning and thriving and having wonderful discourse. It was a summer worth writing home about. A summer worth sentimentalizing about. A summer worth talking about. A summer worth being nostalgic about.

Where I am now is different. I’m much more focused on my family here and I’m not worried about making friends. You see, I have those and although it would be nice to have some here, I don’t see it a pressing matter. For the last seven years, all my friends have been all over the world. I think I’ve finally adjusted and come to terms that that is the way my life with be. And really, I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to call friends. Even though they are all over the place, I know that I could count on any one of them and that alone is an amazing revelation. No matter where I am or where I go, I know who matters and who I can turn to.

I began a new job doing something completely different than what I have been doing for the last three years and I’m good at it. I’m good at it and that is wonderful. I’m learning and making things happen. Of course, it all comes with it’s own set of frustrations, but I smile through it all. I’m glad to be working. I’m glad to be learning. I’m glad to be doing something that I actually enjoy. I’m glad to be earning my keep.

To tell you the truth, that is the secret to a rich life.

Lao Tsu once said, “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

This is my first step of many thousands. Wherever this road may take me, I’m determined to follow it on my own terms. This is my life, and whatever my destiny may take me I’m moving forward by living life on my own terms.

New year; new day to begin the world over again.